Barney - What Has Become of You?

I woke Tuesday morning well before the clock struck 530am. I readied as usual and long story short, I was on my way to work by 7:40am. Tuesday was nearly a BM’er day but in the end I decided to leave her stowed safely in the garage. Mostly because rain was forecast despite the sunny blue skies we were experiencing early on. It just didn’t make much sense to drive it to work only to leave it sit outside all day when with the threat of rain. As it turned out, however, it didn’t rain. And because of the clearer than expected sky, the temperature soared well into the mid 70’s. It was a beautiful day indeed. And, yes, I ran at lunch and it was a superbly beautiful run. The day was busy but that’s how all of them have been lately so anymore they’d be more accurately described as ‘normal’. I left for home around 5:15pm and felt really good about it. Once home I took care of some miscellaneous chores, and then found my book and found my way to the deck for some sunshine and reading. I snuck in a short but fantastic nap too. Around 7:00pm I readied for Mindy’s. Just before leaving the house I checked the weather radar - still no sign of rain although some was forecasted for later in the night. I drove the BM’er. It was more than enjoyable! At Mindy’s the kids were just getting their baths’. I helped Mindy get them to bed. After that, her and I spent the next hour or two talking about a number of things including my daughter Courtney, who I earlier learned had recently spent some time in some sort of rehab. As it turns out, though, she checked herself out and left town with her mother only to fly home a couple days later returning to her old digs and peeps. You have to know that this absolutely breaks my heart. Not only is she my daughter but she held so much promise as a youngster. She’s a lost soul needing direction and something positive to happen in her life. But she can only be helped by first being willing to help herself. I wish so much that I could force help upon her, but we all know that never works. The knowledge of her situation eats at me more than you could ever imagine. As a parent you go through so many different emotions; frustration, anger, sadness, guilt, love, bitterness, embarrassment, you name it – I’ve felt it. I ask myself repeatedly what I could’ve done differently. Unfortunately, that accomplishes little. Rather, it fosters only more regret. It was apparent that I was little fun for Mindy.I left her house around 9:45pm and was home reading for bed by 10pm. After a little tinkering around the house I went to bed. Before falling asleep I did some reading as usual. Lights out at 10:30pm.