Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Saving For a Diaper Change

I cracked an eye at 545am and before I knew it I was down the stairs facing the daunting task of cranking out my usual morning exercise routine. I was troubled deep inside about what I am not sure. But in all likelihood it had everything to do with the one hundred worries whirling around inside my cranium. There's no doubt that despite my usual sunny disposition that I am a worrier. I worry about a few reasonable things, while at the same time I worry about some unreasonable things. I worry about things I can control as well as things I can't.. I worry about my kids, my image, and my weight. I worry about money, and I worry about bills. I worry about the price of gas, and I worry about the weather. I even worry about worrying sometimes. I worry whether or not I'm fit enough, strong enough, or handsome enough. Who am I? Most often I can trace the impetus of my worry back to finances. Whenever I drop a few bills on this or that I toss and turn over the loss of the bucks. It's the opportunity lost by pulling the trigger on any large purchase. Even if the purchase is a sound one and necessary one, I still fret over it.. Still, the multitude of other competing options for those very funds are gone for good.- period! The night I closed on my current home some 12 years ago I could not sleep. I laid staring at the ceiling wondering what in the hell I had just done. I do it whenever I buy myself a vacation, Christmas shop, buy a new toy, a car, or a boat. And then, of course, soon after a frivolous purchase something more pressing comes to the forefront. Something breaks or surfaces requiring me to spend even more money. Want to see me squirm? It's funny because as much as I know that money doesn't define me, I worry about it all the time. It's never too far from my thoughts. I think I fear being without. Without the means to support myself. But Sadly, in the end, what most likely will occur is that the few bucks I manage to hoard will be spent at some half assed retirement center just so some nimrod can wipe my ass a couple of times each day for the few years before my ultimate death. They'll say, "who him? Ahh, that's just Jimmy - Mr Wright. He's old and harmless. Sure, he bitches a lot . But just give him his Jell-O and he'll be fine!" And to think I could've spent those dollars in a happier way. I could've been traveling the world, diving the oceans, and eating the best foods. Anyway, I went about my morning in the usual way. I exercised, walked Ykraps, drank some coffee, meditated (admittedly not too well though), and made my breakfast and lunch. Soon, I was off to work. I talked with Mindy all while driving to work. She's, of course, off today but still up and about. She was taking her kids to the sitter so that she could have somewhat of a free day. The morning was pleasant so she thought that she might take off for Darby Metro Park. That's one of her favorite places to go do some thinking. It's really beautiful. Work went rather well. The day was a speedy one. The sky I noticed began taking a turn for the worse mid-morning, but little if any rain in Hilliard. However, I later learned that it rained significantly elsewhere. Come run time I hit the streets with the threat of rain hovering above. And don't you know that as soon as I cleared the parking lot it began to spit some rain. It sprinkled for the entire run. It was never too heavy and was simply a drizzle. I wore my MP3 player so that I could enjoy some tunes. I worried about its health given the light, but consistent drizzle. It survived, and so did I. The rest of the afternoon went quickly. I was extremely engrossed in work. I never did get a chance to eat my lunch until about 3:40pm. By then I figured it was too late. Too late that is if I was going to enjoy some dinner with my honey just an hour or two later. I wasn't really all that hungry anyhow. I plowed through the rest of my evening at work. I left right at 5pm in an effort to get home. When I left the office it was raining cats and dogs. I was sorta thrilled given that I had just cut the lawn the night before. I am always happy when the lawn gets watered well. I just want the sun to come out tomorrow. A call to Mindy revealed that she was just leaving her home too. And when I turned into my subdivision, she was right behind me. My first order of business was to walk Ykraps. Mindy went along. We walked a little further than usual in an attempt to see just what in the heck they were doing down at the bridge over the creek two blocks away. They had some heavy equipment down there doing what appeared to be some dredging. That should allow more water flow towards my end where it opens widely. Hopefully it'll raise the water level to some extent. Back at my house, I had little desire to cook but did have an appetite. But since I had failed to make it to the grocery over the weekend, I was out of lots and low on others. We polished off the walnuts, and I had a couple slices of turkey and cheese, but I was still hungry. I surmised that I would go to the grocery after Mindy departs. I made a list. Meanwhile, the rain continued coming down in buckets. Mindy and I talked about what our future holds and more specifically, what it'll look like in about a year from now. One things for certain, there's change in the air. After all, Mindy's son will be starting school, and sooner or later Mindy's house is going to sell. Transition. We talked right up until she had to go. One things for certain. Mindy's the best and deserves the same. Soon after she departed I jumped in the Trooper and headed off to Wal-Mart. One real quick note about Safelite... again. They stopped out during the afternoon to install the missing pieces they lost and reordered. They apparently did so in the rain. Sadly, the pieces they replaced were not the right pieces. What they did looks nice but still, I'm missing some tiny trim pieces. Come on! Is it that difficult? Please! I arrived at Wal-Mart in a heavy down pour. I sucked it up and went to head inside. There was a cart right in front of my vehicle that I grabbed last minute hoping to avoid some idiot pulling in nose to nose and slamming it into my beautiful Trooper. Of course that extra task ensured that I was soaked upon entering the store. But I won't melt. I did my shopping and finished about an hour later. I dropped $114. That's a little high but not terrible given that I was out of so much. Between nuts and produce I bet that accounted for $40 - easy! It was still raining heavily as I loaded the groceries into the car, and again when I arrived home to unload. When I finished it was nearly 10pm. I was tired but hungry. I popped myself some popcorn, watched the Reds, and added some pics to my blog. I had fun to be sure! Come 10:30pm, I went to bed. Good Night moon!

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