Take a Sniff

Not getting to bed until after 1am meant that I’d almost certainly sleep past my typical wake time of 715am. Sure enough, I wasn’t up & out of bed until almost 8am. And even then I was still rather tired, but got up anyway.

It was gorgeous outside. Sunny and 70 degrees. I started coffee then played on the internet. Didn’t head out on a run until 945am. Ran three miles. Mindy was up soon after my return. Asked what was new with Darwin. Shared some time together on the deck and then took the pug on a walk out front.

We were expecting Bella home from the neighbors sleepover by 11am. Mindy asked if I wanted to go grocery shopping with her. I agreed to go along but also offered that we make a trip up to the Tuttle Macy’s to look at mattresses for Bella. We were also expecting Lindsey and the boys to come over around 1pm to do laundry. Mindy was supposed to help her with banking/bills too.

As requested, Bella walked in the door right on time. Mindy quickly dispatched her to ready for a trip to Macy’s and the grocery. We left the house sometime around 1145am. We headed to Macy’s Furniture store first. It’s located near Britton & Tuttle Crossing Blvd. – not actually at the mall.

Not too many customers inside at all. In fact, I am certain that there were far more employees on hand than customers. And who here knows the drill when you enter a furniture store? The sale gerbils were huddled together about 200’ from the entrance and quickly sizing us up for a sale. Makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I felt like a small fish swimming amongst sharks! Mindy felt the same way. We quickly diverted to the right and back towards the mattresses only to be cut-off and engaged by a sales guy, I suppose just trying to earn his keep.

Even if he were to make the sale of a twin mattress combo, I was given the distinct impression that he wasn’t too excited. We looked at a couple of their sale offerings, which were about the price range we were considering. But when he shared that they have to be ordered and delivered, which would tack on an additional $70 charge we quickly soured to the idea. We left after only five minutes. A few of the ten or so other sales gerbils now scattering greeted us as we waltzed out of there.

I suggested we look into the Original Mattress factory just down the street from our subdivision. However, because Roberts Rd exit is closed, we opted to head to the grocery store first. We cut across town – through Hilliard, Arlington, and Grandview in route to the Chambers Rd Kroger. I haven’t been there for a long, long time, but it used to be my favorite Kroger. Mindy loves it, though shared that it’s been under reconstruction much of the summer.

But even knowing that information hadn’t prepared me for how upside down it was inside. Holy smoke! What a train wreck! I am sure it’ll be nice when they’re finally done but for now it’s a mess. It’s been at least a year since I grocery shopped with Mindy. In fact, we’ve probably grocery shopped together just a handful of times in almost 8 years. Bella was a bog help taking directions from Mindy what to get. There was none of that ill behavior one typically sees from young children, though with her advanced years – 10 - I suppose she may be beyond that stage.

Took longer than I remembered, but that had more to do with the havoc the remodel placed on standard placement. Not only did it take forever, but I was also incredibly hungry and sleepy, having not eaten a thing all morning. And by the time we were done there it was close to 2pm. I was eager to get home and get something to eat – perhaps some of the snacks I tossed into the cart with spontaneity. 

Lindsey and the boys were already there. As we pulled into the drive, Lindsey and the boys were walking out to the bridge with a fishing pole. Of course Lindsey was on her cell phone at the same time, which is something that drives me batty, especially when she’s with the kids on a somewhat busy street. Looks trashy!!!! Rather than engage, I simply turned away and carried in groceries. Then, as soon as everything was carried inside I woofed down a quick sandwich then slipped off to our bedroom where I tuned into the NFL network and took a brief nap.

I might’ve hung out there for 30 minutes before heading back downstairs. By then, Lindsey was dealing with her laundry while Mindy talked with her about setting up auto bill pay for her online banking. The exchange was somewhat heated, but at the time I wasn’t sure why. I woofed down a few Triscuits topped with Jarlsberg cheese then slipped out onto the deck with my book in hand. Reading from the chaise lounge would be my escape.

I wasn’t out there long before Mindy beckoned my help. Prior to heading inside, I could tell that there conversation wasn’t going well. Let’s just say there were raised voices. Immediately inside Mindy addressed the issue at hand. Specifically the fact that Lindsey was withholding critical information regarding her delinquent pending bills even after we just bailed her out of financial trouble with more than $1500 earlier in the week. Mindy was furious, believing that there was full disclosure a week prior which was a condition for our help. After all, there can’t be a continuously moving target.

Before I could say anything, and it wasn’t like I had anything of instant value to add, their argument escalated to Mindy asking Lindsey to leave our home. Frankly, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen Mindy so incensed. She even dropped an ‘F’ bomb while she gathered up Lindsey laundry and proceeded to pitch it out the front door. Lindsey then insisted that she wasn’t leaving without her bank card, the entire exchange witnessed my not only me, but Rocky too. He was starting to shake. I felt horrible for him, especially.

A classic and oft repeated Lindsey move, she called her mother while standing in our home to ‘tell on Mindy’ quite humorous really. The fact that she still does that kills me. Any other time she’s running down Kelly. Mindy was so angry that Lindsey had lied to her that she walked out back to blow off steam but not before insisting again that Lindsey get out and never come back. I fully understood her anger but was also deeply saddened after considering the gravity of the situation. After all, Mindy might have been Lindsey’s biggest advocate for the last two years, often reeling in my emotionally charged responses to her 16 year old-like behavior patterns.

While Mindy was outside blowing off steam, Lindsey insisted that she was calling the cops to get her bank card back. A total Jerry Springer event indeed. I went outdoors and called to Mindy. Just give her the card back. Serves us no purpose. Mindy eventually did just to get her out. Meanwhile, Rocky was distraught over the ordeal. Mindy hugged him and told him that she loved him. Unlike Landon, there wasn’t any way he would stay at our house without his momma. Lindsey soon gathered up all of her laundry and presumably blasted off to her mom’s to finish, which on the surface shouldn’t be a bad thing.
Landon, by the way, wanted to stay and have dinner with us. Both Lindsey & Mindy agreed.

Here’s the thing, the behavior Lindsey demonstrated is a pattern I am all too familiar with, not only from her but sadly her sister and mother too – half truths, never all the facts, and always somebody else’s fault. To be clear, not Ashley. She acts like a grown-up and takes full responsibility for her actions. I’m also convinced that Lindsey doesn’t see her behavior as deceptive & self-serving, though that is indeed what it is – manipulative!

Mindy headed off to our bedroom. I could tell without talking to her that she was hurt, disappointed and sad. I’ve been there with Lindsey. Just when you think you’re doing well, helping and making progress she’ll bite. And for some reason, she had the uncanny ability to bring out the worst in folks. Again, not had it happened to me but I’ve seen it happen with her mom, her grandmother, and even my uncle and my dad over the years.

But perhaps the saddest part of all is the impact her mistakes will have on the lives of my grandsons. That hurts. If she’d only listen, learn and repeat, she could turn her life and that of the boys in a jiffy. Why is it that she can’t see that?

I went up and briefly talked with Mindy about 15 minutes later. Both of us were still reeling from the stimulus/response ordeal. We attempted to rationalize but no matter what couldn’t help but feel sorry for the boys, because by us excusing ourselves from any more enablement beyond our current commitment will almost certainly spell doom for them.

Mindy eventually came downstairs and we recouped our day and evening. Our plan all along was to grill burgers and corn on the cob. At some point I reminded Mindy that I was going into work at 1230am. Until then, she had forgotten. Not me. It was in the back of my mind all weekend. I was trying to steal a nap at every opportunity so not to be a vegetable come time to work later.

Given my predicament, Mindy allowed me lounge through most of the early evening hours while she worked on dinner. To pass the time, I watched the final round of the PGA championship from the sofa. Enjoyable watching Jason Duffner win the tournament.

Dinner was ready around 6pm. It was just four of us, me, Mindy, Bella and Landon. After dinner, Bella made everybody dessert – ice cream. Earlier at the grocery store she thought she picked out strawberry ice cream but instead she carted bubblegum. Yuck! Turned out, though, that Landon loved it. Mindy offered that he could take the entire half gallon home.

Lindsey came by to pick-up Landon near 7pm. Of course she sent Ricky in to get him. We enjoyed a quiet Sunday evening, though I spent most of it stressing over my need to be at work by 1230am. I never did get any meaningful sleep ahead of then.

*********************************************************************************

A synopsis of the Lindsey financial problem: How’d we get here?

We agreed to Cosign for $18K car loan on the condition that she pay what she can on the car while first taking care of rent, utilities and insurance (necessities). And if she couldn’t pay monthly, she agreed to payback via tax returns etc. She’s made not even one dollar in repayment. Her tax return confiscated by fed gov. for defaulting on college tuition loan.

Car insurance- She’s behind one full month (July - $140) and soon more. We just forked out another 90 day premium ($450).

Learned she hasn’t paid her July or Aug rent and still owed $200 for June ($1200). Apt. complex sought legal protection and tacked on $277 in legal fees (total $1477).

Learned she’s behind on electric bill $300 (3 months).

Learned she’s in debt to tanning salon for monthly recurring package - $90 per month (???)

(none of this touches on the several thousand dollars we spent on the previous car and repairs, home décor, and other misc. financial help since Aug 2011.) She did pay back about $750 for the first car, most of which came in when we managed her money the first time.

How’d she get into this mess?

Supposedly loaned a friend at work several hundred dollars over several recent paychecks (???)
Over drawn checking account – saddled with hundreds of dollars of over draft fees
Initially withheld the ‘friend loan’ entirely until Mindy began asking questions about her bank balance as opposed to income. It was obvious several hundred dollars seemingly evaporated.
Once it came out, it was supposedly $600, which is an enormous amount when you’re ‘poor’ and already can’t pay your own bills.
Came out Sunday that it was more than a $1000. (???? Is there even more to this?)


Her bring-home income? (not a ton, but certainly workable)

Typically $1200-1600 monthly.
$250 food voucher card
Free medical insurance for the kids

In a nut shell, this equates to paying none of her fixed and necessary monthly expenses since May.
Where’d the money go? Sure, there’s gas money, phone and cable, We insisted she disconnect cable which she supposedly has. We also insisted she look at all of her unnecessary expenses, including cigarettes (has asthma), gum, candy, fast food, and pop. Got to pay your bills first!

We initially agreed to bail her out with certain conditions – full financial disclosure and we help manage her finances until she’s out of debt and learns how to manage her funds (needs versus wants).

… If it looks like a turd, smells like a turd, it’s a turd!!! You take a sniff!!!